Finding Common Ground in the Daily Grind

by Brittiany Adilas

Some might say I have it easy. Why do you say that, you ask? Being the sibling to twelve other children, leaves your parents very little time to talk to everyone regularly. I know people who have all kinds of parents they wish to find common ground with. Parents they can talk to, and parents they can’t. Parents who care but only know how to show it with money or food. Parents that run the gambit really.

Even still, most of those parents try to call their children, no matter the age, regularly. Even if it’s only around the holidays, most can expect calls from at least one parent. At least that seems to be the circumstance for most. Neglect is easy, that’s what I say to anyone who jokes about not wanting to speak with one of their parents. Typically not the response they were expecting.

Honesty can be brutal at times. 

When I have a conversation with my father we find it easy to talk about work. I work in cannabis, he works in flooring, but it’s work, so no big deal. Work is important, a big part of who you are. It consumes a ton of any business owners time and can take over your life, if you allow it.

Plus it is always an easy conversation I can have with my father no matter how often we have called each other recently. Which probably wasn’t often. My father being slightly supportive of my career choices allows this to be an easier conversation than it for some parents.

We may briefly reference the grandkids and how they are doing in school. School being the kid equivalent of work. So basically talking about how the kids do at work. How the husband is doing with work. What my siblings are doing, most for work.

So a lot of work talk. Sounds easy, but it isn’t really. Having this conversation means we never will have a real conversation. A conversation about who we are as people and who we want to be. A conversation about happiness and healthiness.

A conversation of growth. 

It’s great that I can have a conversation with my father. It’s great that I have a father around for the possibility of that conversation to even be had. I love that I actually have the ability to still get to know more about my father. I understand that sometimes people are who they are. Including fathers. But hopefully through understanding, we can eventually get to a place where we have more conversations than work. Neglect is something a lot of family members have had to deal with of mine.

But I really do feel with continued faith in the fact we are capable of proving we care for one another, we can truly impact each other in a positive way. Even after years of this type of abuse. Simple acts, like listening, are small steps that I’m always prepared to take. Building trust within our relationship so we can learn more about each other’s values. Hopefully establishing something more meaningful in the future.