by Tab Moura
Over the last few years I have changed in a very deep way. Honestly, if I hadn’t lived it myself, I don’t know if I would believe such a shift was possible. I don’t usually appreciate it when people say “it’s just a season.” In my experience, it’s rarely my close friends who make these remarks; because empathetic people try to anticipate when it’s ok to make comments like these.
For argument’s sake… Perhaps my chapters from hell were “just a season,” but they changed me. They scarred me. They’ve stuck with me. If poorly placed, this season analogy feels like a comparison between the agony of abuse, and wishing it were warmer outside.
“Listen, I hear they are gaslighting you at work, but don’t worry… with time, those toxic people who are threatening your income will stop. This too shall pass.” The truth is, they didn’t stop until I quit my job— no justice. No comfort. Time didn’t set me up for success. It didn’t “pass,” and if I had believed it would pass, things would have escalated. I would have been fired, or even arrested, over their allegations. Things went from summer to winter, and it stayed that way for a long time. I got a few write ups for things I didn’t do, and eventually I was over it. I was raised to prove my dedication, my parents taught me to have hard conversations. I was told that employers would value my integrity. That “season” of my life still mostly serves as a painful memory, though it doesn’t define me like it once did. I still believe in integrity and hard work, I just realize now that not everyone else does.
Don’t get me wrong, I understand why people enjoy struggle analogies. Calling something that we cannot control a “season” helps us remember that there is more to life. “Seasons” allow us to entertain the concept of endurance and resilience, but I don’t feel it’s a gentle thing to say to everyone out there. In some cases the hardest part is realizing that things aren’t as they seem, and you need to get the heck out of that “season” as fast as possible. We don’t always have to therapize ourselves, or “find the value…” sometimes we just need to trust our guts.