You Egotistical Bastard
by James Bridges
HERBAGE MAGAZINE
I got this photo taken the other day. It appeared in my inbox. The first thing I thought to myself was EGO.
I looked around and couldn’t find any good, print worthy, photos of myself so I thought, what the hell? Maybe my son will use it as a rolling tray one day…
Over the last few years I’ve really gotten a chance to take a good hard look at my ego. On a better note…I have been fortunate enough to have the ability to step back and examine the handling of my own ego. We all have one. It’s just a matter of controlling it.
Of course my ego has popped up quite frequently throughout the years. Without self reflection. No wonder it got out of hand. I was under the spell of what once had me and now the truth has shown me the mask.
It’s a very dramatic way of saying, damn. I really screwed some things up… It’s also become a very dramatic way of me saying, damn, I’m really starting to clean some stuff up.
Not uncommon to the largest of egos is a blow to the head with a hammer full of the most terrible things imaginable. Your past.
Humbled and chewed up a bit, I’ve come to realize that most of my problems have derived from that bastard inside my head called Mr. Ego. The good thing is, I may still have a little time.
Letting go has given me a glimpse of the life I didn’t live. I regret that my ego wasn’t given the gut punch until later. Not so much because of the experience. I’ll never want to change that. It’s because later in life the weight of that hammer is very near unliftable.
It’s the most complex puzzle I have ever attempted. I flirt with conceding daily.
It’s fascinating to me as I look into this digital copy of my eyes of how much they have changed. It’s not age. It’s just…different. I can see some things. But it’s not what I imagined. I feel as if I were talking to a mirror and the mirror is condescending me.
Mine eyes see true yet innocence… never forgotten.
