by Tab Moura
Dear Younger Self,
I can recall a handful of times when I was asked what I would say to my younger self, and I’m realizing that what I wish you knew changes with each new phase.
I used to wish I could help you avoid toxic boys, mean girls and peer pressure… I had so many scars and broken relationships. I felt lonely, I felt hurt and I thought it was my fault. Dear younger self, we all have to answer for our choices, it’s true… but I hope you know that you are learning a lot about who you truly are during these struggles. You’re learning that perhaps it hurts so much, because the old ways you defined yourself no longer fit. Let the mask fall.
When I became a mother, so many others seemed to glorify the glow, bumps and milestones, but I felt helplessness and fear constantly. It wasn’t long before I realized I was dealing with classic postpartum depression and anxiety. But even knowing what to call it, I felt this underlying responsibility for failing to enjoy those weeks and months. Dear younger self, I wish we knew then that our hormones were a mess. Our bodies had so much healing to do. But you are strong and brave, greeting each day with a stubborn resilience to show up for a family that needs you. If that leads you to therapy, medication, diet changes, etc… you must do what works for you, you are the linchpin.
by Tab Moura
And finally, younger self, I know this isn’t what you want to hear… we still live with chronic illness. I wish I could tell you that I had that “fixed,” but it’s still an ongoing process. What I will say is that I no longer feel shame for being sick. I know you are dealing with a lot of comments, you feel defective, and you don’t know who to trust. Are those MLM products the miracle cure they say they are? Probably not…not because it’s a scheme, but because supplements are only one piece of the puzzle. Take care of your whole self. Eat something green. Go for a walk. Try cannabis— I swear, it’s life changing. One change at a time, that’s where the healing has been happening. We aren’t out of the woods, but we are closer than ever. Don’t give up.
Time will tell what lessons we will learn next, but if there’s one thing this exercise always helps me remember it’s that I’ve survived 100% of my worst days so far. Even if I cannot see a way through… I can rest in the truth that I will live to tell about it.