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Acceptance.

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Acceptance.

By James Bridges

I had no idea of the extremely high speeds in which this vessel would achieve. I strapped in and looked forward to what I assumed would be one of the most important rides of my existence. 

“All aboard!” Comes from a faint voice in the distance.

There’s a tunnel of sorts. It’s sucking me in. I can see a pinhole light coming into my point of view from a large span of space. The tunnel walls seemed to be vanishing as I looked more closely at that light.

The walls of the “tunnel” were like plastic sheets. They started to dissolve. It was as if I were cleaning a window that had a hint of film along the edges. I could see clearer. So, I had to take the opportunity to look at my surroundings.

I was hovering at the edge of the known and the unknown. I could see an enormous globe full of energy below me. I was able to look down at that globe and see bits of energy within it. I could sense struggle and conflict. I felt a negative vibration radiating from the constant anxiety and wonder. At that point I felt I needed to make a decision. Should I go further on this ‘ride of all rides’ or hang back and enjoy the idea of it?

There was a figure of sorts. It was like a shadow. Let’s call it a silhouette. It seemed very familiar. I noticed that it was trying to catch my attention. Another silhouette zoomed into view and next to the other. This one seemed more curious as it cupped both eyes with its hands to take a peek. I realized they were both behind another set of plastic sheet-like walls. I knew at that point that there must be another layer. My own curiosity made the decision for me. I was going further on this ride.

I shot up through another “tunnel”. This time I was thinking to myself that I must be dreaming. The walls actually looked like the patterns one would see when Captain Kirk would command the ship to go into hyperdrive.  

I came to a plateau of sorts as my trajectory stabilized. I was able to hover once again. This time there were many globes below me. Some of them were very far off into the distance. It was as if I were on the far side of a solar system and I could look back and see the alignments of stars and planets. 

I noticed a movement coming from afar. As I looked closer I witnessed the two “silhouettes” dancing with one another. They soon dissolved into one another. I could see a single “silhouette” form. It hovered off into the distance for a bit then it was as if it were traveling back to the globe which I started. Seemed odd, but made complete sense to me at the time. I felt the need for the existence of two entities to become one in order for it to realize what it’s purpose was.

I turned my head to the forward position and looked up. I felt a warmness embrace my entire being as I accepted the fact that I was indeed on some sort of journey and not a dream.

She was there. Her face was twice the size of my body. Her hair seemed to move as if it were alive itself. It was as if it were protecting her from whatever may attempt to harm the mind of a perfect being. Her eyes were shaped like a kitten’s eyes but had the depth of a panther. She could attack at any moment’s notice. I felt no fear.

Oddly, yet only oddly in reflection, she was able to communicate with me in so many ways other than voice. The only audible words were a deep and cheerful accusation coming from her mouth. She kept saying, “You see”. Her eyes would tell me differently. “You see!”

I was learning from the teacher as she was commenting on how well I was doing.

I noticed she had no body. I tried to get a look behind the curtains, but every angle I chose only returned a solid wall. I could not see past her face and hair. I was puzzled. She roared her giant laugh. I smiled and was happy to amuse her. She seemed to already know exactly what I would do before I even did anything. Then I realized it was time to go.

I wanted to learn more. She was able to help me feel somewhat satisfied until our next meeting. As she communicated with me, I slowly drifted back to the source of where this journey began. She told me to try to remember the faces of the silhouettes. I couldn’t. She asked me if they meant something to me. 

Depression is something that cannot be explained. It cannot be communicated through speech. Not with me. It’s a feeling. It’s a mode of being. In order to get past bouts of severe depression I have been able to lean on silent conversations with “silhouettes” or “spirits”, if you will… These conversions derive from the inability to communicate my modes through voice. The silhouettes sometimes represent the darkness that is around me. They sometimes represent happiness, or a glimpse at it. However, the most important conversation that I ever had with those silhouettes happened during this journey. 

When I looked back and noticed the two entities dancing and becoming one I knew I learned something. I knew because it made complete sense. It was simple and right in front of me the entire time. In order for us to grow we must accept the fact that we dance with all of these emotions within ourselves. The good and the bad. 

The next time you think the devil is in your house, ask him to smoke a bowl with you. It might get rather interesting.

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