Look Into the Damn Window


by James Bridges

The shell of my body stands silently looking into nothing.

You’ll notice something strange if you step outside of your body while your mind is racing. You are simply standing there.

Everyone else sees you as that. It’s strange to ponder. It’s as if someone slipped you some sort of wild hallucinogen and you look into a mirror to fix your face. You just can’t fix it…

My thoughts are racing through galaxies of what was and what could be. It’s overwhelming at times.

I get overwhelmed imagining myself trying to crossfit train. Although, those giant conditioning ropes have always intrigued me. When I step outside of my body for meditation I grab ahold of that rope and shake it. I shake it until the thoughts and emotions and racing memories come to a halt.

At that moment I step back into my body.

I try to let go of all of my judgments, prejudices, likes & dislikes, desires, and even memories. I try my hardest to understand that others have their own roles to play in the latest greatest feature film. (Conveniently titled as their name)

I do my damndest to truly ingest what others have to say.

So easy is it to slip into the uncomfortable anxiety of vulnerability. Isn’t the feeling of vulnerability only a “feeling”? That “feeling” is what keeps myself and so many others from really doing the best that they can in life. It’s a fear of becoming so vulnerable that you can no longer function. It’s a self destroying cancer that lingers until the little demons spread their dark wings and fly.

Unless you get in front of it.

The shell of my body stands silently looking into nothing. Suddenly I realize, it’s time to go to work.