Hi, it’s me, but also you. The truest version of you, the little voice that soothes you when you’re upset, or encourages you when you’re searching for strength, or fills you with light when you find yourself alone in the dark. I am your intuition, that feeling you get in your gut when things go wrong, or the “butterflies” you feel in your heart when everything is right – the subconscious part of your mind that communicates even more clearly through your dreams and written words.
Speaking of words, I’m writing to you today from a place of love, because you haven’t seemed to give yourself a surplus of it lately. I know it can be hard at times, which is why I’m here to gently nudge you back on course. Sometimes the slightest change in perspective, or subtle encouragement toward the right direction, is all you need to find your way back to yourself.
Did you ever in a million years imagine your life looking like this? To any unsuspecting bystander it probably seems as though things are going swimmingly well for you lately, and that’s certainly not an inaccurate observation. However, I know that the glimpse of your world that you so meticulously grant to others does not tell the whole story.
When sharing your life with even the people closest to you, you tend to draw more attention to your wins than your losses, or your joy, rather than the pain. I have silently observed thus far because I know you don’t do this out of pride, but instead a relentless fear of either burdening others or victimizing yourself. You’d rather let everyone think you have it all together, that there’s no need to worry, than to see the bits of your life that don’t sparkle quite as much.
I wish you would accept that it is okay to let others see you struggle every now and then. That it is not your responsibility to protect them from bearing witness to your journey on the more difficult days.
That when someone asks you how you’ve been, it’s okay to sometimes say “I could use a friend,” if that is your truth. That if someone chooses to be in your life despite the weight of your emotions, they probably don’t see you as the burden you think you are. I wish that you could trust that even though sharing the depths of your soul can scare away the wrong people, it can also bring you closer to the right ones.
Furthermore, I wish you understood that it’s okay to allow yourself to feel all of the things, no matter how ugly they may be. I know you’re afraid that if you stop pretending that everything is okay, even when you have absolutely nothing to prove, things will only get worse. But we both know it’s important to process even the most difficult feelings if we’re ever going to learn how to make things better.
Now that I’ve gotten that off my chest, please don’t mistake me for a fool. I know that you are not so easy to convince when it comes to seeing your own worth, or potential. Your stubborn little banana heart remains skeptical of any mention of self-improvement unless someone makes you believe that it was your idea to begin with.
I’ve said it before and I’ll say it a thousand more times before I die, words are fucking powerful. So, I’ve chosen a few that I will be reciting religiously, whispering them into your existence until you believe them wholeheartedly:
I am safe in my feelings. I allow them to flow freely, without resistance or hesitation.
I love myself unconditionally, and the people in my life match that energy.
I learn new things about myself when I allow myself to explore feelings of fear, anger, and sadness in a healthy way.
I attract positive, empowering and healthy relationships into my life that make me feel supported and appreciated.
Portrait by Casedgod