How Cannabis Created a Safe Space for Healing
by Tab Moura
I still remember how that library smelled; stale, cheap floral- mixed with books. You know the type, perhaps one too many glade plug ins. I sat there sweating through my blouse as I read the questionnaire.
“Experiences little interest in doing things they once enjoyed.” This question made me pause for a few moments; up until that moment I hadn’t allowed myself to actual cease doing anything I enjoyed… because of appearances.
I resisted the notion that I was depressed, because I believed depression to be weakness. I believed laying in bed was a waste of time, I believed medication or supplementation was a placebo… I believed many things; things I don’t even remember learning, but they were things I held as true and I used them to judge myself and others by.
The truth is, those things I believed I was enjoying, were things I later learned were merely “safe,” and I enjoyed safety quite a bit:
1. Things that were planned for my campus
2. Things planned by room mates
3. Things at church
4. Professional commitments
Naturally, I’m only painting a picture of what *my* safety zone looked like. History told me that it would draw more attention and conflict to avoid these activities… unwanted comments and gossip were my
kryptonite. After a year of college, working part time and doing volunteer work, I couldn’t hold myself together anymore… and that’s what brought me to that library. Undergoing psych testing, realizing that I didn’t know how to answer that question, because I was seeing that it had been years since I actively pursued my authentic interests.
After my diagnosis of depression, I took a decade of exploring my mental health, and trying many things… but I finally found my way to cannabis. And I cannot tell you how life changing this medicine has been for my overall health, and it has alleviated my depression symptoms enough that I am able to absorb new mental health tools and disciplines to create healthy boundaries. Boundaries to say yes to myself more, and to not burden myself with the opinions of those who would criticize me rather than support me. It’s helping me be me.